Team GB: Great Britain or Gary Barlow? Reality TV vs. The Olympics

After a summer of amazing sport and probably the only time I have been proud to be British (excluding Royal events), I suffering from POPS  - Post Olympics and Paralympics Syndrome.  I know I have the last two weeks of my favourite programmes to try a fill a bit of the gaping hole the Games have left me with, but it’s also back to watching either cooking or home improvement programmes during my lunchtime in the work canteen and depressing local news when I get home.

Instead of super-fit Olympians achieving their dreams after years of hard work – we are back to ‘celebrities’  in a house arguing whos more important, more beautiful and more successful. Answer to their questions – none of them, if they were successful they wouldn’t sell their soul to Big Brother, I feel the same about Strictly Come Dancing and I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

With the X Factor I feel its more fame hungry kids wanting to be famous without the hard work of learning an instrument, writing their own songs and performing in crappy bars for years. But out of all the reality shows, I can’t break my X Factor addiction; I think I watch the show because of the judges (especially Mr Barlow) more than the wannabees heading for Butlins or the Bargain Bins...however there are a few exceptions – Lewis, Murs, One Direction and JLS.

I haven’t got kids but I hope the Games did inspire a generation, because I feel the future would be brighter if boys want to be Chris Hoy or David Weir instead of overpaid footballers who haven’t made the country proud for over 50 years, and girls want to be Jessica Ennis and Ellie Simmons instead of the orange 'tanned' glamour models/reality TV ‘stars’.

Also I won’t name the newspaper but you know who you are – shame on you for no putting Paralympic success on your front page (like you did during the Olympics) instead you thought Cheryl Cole’s nose bleed and some sad fat loser who thinks his pregnant was more important and interesting. I think the most of the UK would agree those stories wasn't.

Oh well only 1423 days until Rio!

London 2012: Best TV ever!

It’s been 72 hours now and PLD (Post London2012 Disorder) is not getting any easier. ‘I'm an Olympics Addict and it’s been 3 days since I last pressed the red button’. Knowing there is still the Paralympics to come in 2 weeks, keeps my Olympic spirit alive.

So highlights of the last 2 weeks, of course the opening ceremony was amazing (especially Bond and his new Bond Girl) and with the closing ceremony it was slow to start off with but picked up from Fatboy Slim onwards and Take That was worth staying awake for, The Who? I’m not so sure, wheeling out the oldies is not always a good idea, for example croaky McCarthy.

But what about the sporting best bits? Yes all Team GB’s medals, Bolt and Blake, my personal favorite the French men’s Handball Team (Bonjour Boys) and I don't know what my neighbours thought of the screams though the wall during Mo Farah’s races. Also the Men’s triathlon, Mexico v Japan in the men’s football semi final and Germany v South Korea in the women’s Hockey play offs. Why? Because I WAS THERE! Best Days Ever!

I blame BBC Breakfast for making me late for work most mornings. Olympics news is far more interesting than listening to local radio. It was the first week of the Home Olympic Games and the local DJ talks about Birmingham bin collections!  But a big thank you to the BBC, your website got me though the hard times of having to do some work instead of watching the TV, as for some of your presenters:

Jake Humphreys and Mark Cavendish: A cool double act.

Sue Barker and Mark Baker: Alright, a bit boring in my option but they knew their stuff.

Gabby Logan: Don’t know if I stayed up late it was to watch Men Beach Volleyball on the red button.

Gary Lineker: Sick as a parrot performance, surely he knew that the Olympics involves other sports…not just Football.

Claire Balding:  Legend, not only is she the inventor of the ‘Mo-Bot’ but her ability to fill in time with enthusiasm and actual facts. She knew everything from Olympic history, different rules and even the names of the park flowers unlike other presenters depending on auto-cue.

And as for this year’s Sports Personality they is only one clear winner…US! The fans without our screaming and shouting (and cash), how many medals would Team GB actually would of won.

Now it’s back to morning local radio (I so need my own place) and the state of Birmingham’s bins… At least it’s only a few weeks until the Paralympics. I bet BBC, ITV and Sky are kicking themselves as I think the 'Paras' will be a massive success. Don’t screw it up Channel 4!

Watermelons & Corners: Dirty Dancing - Birmingham Hippodrome

‘No one puts Baby in a corner’ and the audience screamed.

I’m not a big fan of the film (this was my sister and my cousin’s idea) and for my birthday last weekend I would have preferred to see Rock of Ages. But with the negative points stacking up (‘the Ages’ not being on tour, no friends to spend my birthday with and this was the only date we could get good tickets -7 rows from the front), this show turned my boring birthday into an excellent afternoon out.

Let me get the obvious out of the way, no one will ever equal or be half as good as the late Patrick Swayze. No one can fill his amazing dancing shoes and for the first act of this stage show this thought effected my judgement of Paul –Michael ‘Johnny Castle’ Jones, he was a brilliant dancer and a good actor and Jill ‘Baby’ Winternitz was excellent and her facial expressions were brilliantly timed and very comical.  By the second act I had forgotten about the movie actors, remembered how good the soundtrack was and accepted this different version.

The stage show included all the memorable scenes from the film: the river, the log, Johnny stroking Baby’s arm and her trying not to laugh, the watermelon and of course the end which was word for word. Yes ‘the time of my life’ was my favourite part of the show, but another highlight was when Johnny is in his underwear and he starts to put his trousers on and one lone female voice in the audience heaves a sigh of disappointment, queue laughter from the rest of the audience.

Dirty Dancing the stage show is a very close second to the film and deserved its standing ovation.

I wish more West End shows would go on tour; not everyone lives in or can afford to travel to London. Rock of Ages producers take note.

Crime Fighting Dream Team

After spending last month dreaming about my Football Dream Team and watching reruns of American cop shows I started to wonder what an ultimate Crime Fighting Dream Team would consist of.  Of course Avengers Assembles is the ultimate movie Dream Team but what about Television’s version.

Last season’s Hawaii 5- 0 and NCIS: Los Angeles mix up was brilliant. Sam Hanna (LL Cool J) and Danny ‘Danno’ Williams (Scott Caan) should have their own show. McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin) was missed by me, but then again there was so many characters I don’t think I missed him that much.

Let’s break this down:

To build my TV Crime fighting team - who would I need? A good mix up would be McGarrett and Criminal Minds' FBI Agent Derek Morgan (Shemar Moore) or Bones's FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth (David Boreanaz) and Blue Bloods's Detective Danny Regan (Donnie Walhberg) or maybe CTU's 24 hour guy Jack Baber (Kiefer Sutherland) and the CIA's Homeland's Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes).

The Boss:  I can’t think of any good Prime Ministers, in real life or TV land, so they will have to be American. President David Palmer was close however due to him being ‘dead’ it has to be Commissioner Regan (Tom Selleck) for Blue Bloods with Prosecutor Caroline Julian (Patricia Belcher) from Bones as his second in command or maybe vice versa.  I think she would show him who's boss.

Reserve: Hettie Lange (Linda Hunt) from NCIS: Los Angeles.

Elite Police squad: I would include all of  the Criminal Minds team and have FBI Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner (Thomas Gibson) as head of this elite team. Then add Detective Danny Regan, just because he was in New Kids on the Block and the fact he always cracks a case and usually a criminal’s face. Mix in FBI Agent Booth who has a similar attitude to Regan, and add rogue cop Eddie Caplan (Jean-Hugues Anglade) from Braquo. Every police team needs a rogue cop and if I hadn’t lost interest in The Wire during the re-run of series 2 I probably would have had a few more candidates for the role. With all this testosterone, sprinkle another strong female to help Criminals Minds’ JJ keep the guys in check and that role I would give to Law and Order: SUV's Detective Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay). She’s a calming and cool influence who knows when it’s the right time to kick ass. She thinks before she beats down a suspect. Et Voilà Police Pie!

Reserve:  Detective Jane Timoney (Maria Bello) and Detective Chief Inspector Jane Tennison (Helen Mirren), from Prime Suspect USA & UK. Andy McNally (Melissa Peregrym) from Rookie Blue.

Geek Squad:On the red computer we have the sassy Penelope Garcia (Kirsten Vangsness) of Criminal Minds and on the blue computer we have the serious Chloe O’Brian (Mary Lynn Rajskub) of 24. A total clash of personalities but would be a cool comedy double act who would save the world from bad guys with their 'Big Brother is watching' computer programmes.

Reserve: Eric Beale (Barrett Foa) from NCIS: Los Angeles.

Forensic Team: Dr Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan (Emily Deschanel) locking horns with Body of Proof’s Megan Hunt. While Dr Harry Cunningham (Tom Ward), and Dr Nikki Alexander (Emilia Fox) from Silent Witness quietly carry on dissecting dead bodies in the lab.

Reserve: Medical examiner Melinda Warner (Tamara Tunie) from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Investigator/ consultants: The Mentalist's Patrick Jayne (Simon Baker)Jayne for his special powers and quick wit and The Good Wife’s Kalinda Sharma (Archie Panjabi) to break a few rules to find out the facts.

Anti-Terrorist Squad: No contest it as to be Jack and Jackie ‘Carrie Mathison’ Baber.

A name: What is it with American police departments and their abbreviations – FBI, CBI, SVU, NCIS, CSI, BAU, NYPD, and LAPD etc.  We don’t have this issue here in Britain, we just have the police! So DJPD (Darlene Jovi’s Police Department) will do.

No doubt I have probably missed out a few obvious ones....BBC's Sherlock Holmes for one, maybe be I should put him under investigators and consultants. 

Of course if my favourite cops were was based on looks alone (shallow I know) then it would be a hell of a lot easier - Théo Vachewski  (Nicolas Duvauchelle) from Braquo. No contest!!

Now what about a Lawyers Dream Team or maybe a Criminal 'Nightmare' Team.  Hmmmm... 

Euro 2012 Dream Team...in my option

Congratulations Spain!

What am I going to do now? Well there is Wimbledon for another week and only 26 days until the Olympics starts and after that it’s the start of the new football season (Note to Aston Villa must do better).

Yes I love football. Yes I am a Tomboy. Oui Monsieur X, I do look like a boy and No I’m not gay, however I know the offsite rule, can’t explain it but I know when to shout ‘OFFSIDE!’ when I see it. As much as I love the beautiful game, watching 22 men running around in shorts it’s hard not to notice the gorgeous ones.

FYI – I think Italy is the most consistent team since World Cup in 1990– a gorgeous team every tournament, but I think France was just as hot this tournament.

So here is my Dream Team – ‘Not as hot as Cantona but…United’.

Goalkeeper

Iker Casillas

Defenders

 

Olof Mellberg                                             Gerard Piqué

Mathieu Debuchy                                      Leonardo Bonucci

Midfielders

Cesc Fàbregas                                               Migual Veloso

Federico Balzaretti                                      Yohan Cabaye                            

Strikers

 

Karim Benzema                                                 Olivier Giroud

Ah oui another French theme with a touch of the Mediterranean. I struggled to put any English players in my team, no one easy on the eye since Jamie Redknapp and yes I am the only woman in the world who doesn’t find David Beckham attractive.

Jack Black Rocked My Socks Off! Tenacious D at 02 Apollo Manchester

Sunday night usually consists of a crappy reality TV show or a really good British crime drama, but Sunday 10^th June consisted of heavy metal music, Jack Black, Kyle Gass, a squid and a giant inflatable penis. Yes Tenacious D was rocking the Apollo.

I had seen ‘The D’ 6 years ago at Birmingham NEC (aka LG Arena for non Brummies); they were very funny and followed the Pick of Destiny movie storyline and with it being December it was like an alternative pantomime with lots of swearing. It’s not every day you watch a band consisting of the Anti-Christ, Colonel Sanders and Charlie Chaplin.  This time around it was the same band without their fancy dress and the gig felt more intimate as the 02 Apollo Manchester is a lot smaller than the NEC and thanks to my mobile phone contract we was let in first and managed to get front row.  That’s right people – FRONT ROW!!! I love heavy metal music but I don’t mosh and being the wrong side of 35 surrounded by teenagers, the safety barrier was my new friend.

The D came on around 9 for their hour and half gig, the first 6 songs was from their new album Rise of the Fenix which I had listened to a few times before Sunday (Low Hangin’ Fruit and Roadie my favourites so far). But why is it when you don’t know some of the words you idol give you eye contact!

The it was back to the old stuff I knew the words to.  I loved Kickapoo and Kyle Quit The Band, but my favourites was The Metal as J.B was up close climbing the speakers  in front of us and Wonderboy as I’m sure he was talking to me.  You can’t have a Tenacious D concert without the amazing Tribute and the very rude F**k Her Gently.  My only negatives of the night were it was in Manchester and not Birmingham and that they didn’t perform Pick of Destiny (now my new ringtone – clean version).

I think with all my favourite TV programmes finishing for the summer I think this weekend will include School of Rock, Pick of Destiny, High Fidelity and maybe Gulliver’s Travels.

My socks was totally ROCKED OFF!!!

Queen TV – The Diamond Jubilee Weekend

Thank you Liz for an extra day off work and after booking Friday off as well, I could get used to a 5 day weekend.

I started my Jubilee viewing on Friday night with the BBC’s  A Jubilee Tribute To The Queen by the Prince of Wales followed by ITV tribute Elizabeth: Queen Wife Mother, which I only watched half of because Monsieur X called to tell me about French TV’s coverage. I don’t think it was the same programmes but he said there had been a few documentaries.

Saturday and Sunday morning was all about preparation for our Jubilee party.  No time to sit and watch TV (even thou I did manage to squeeze in the end of Criminal Minds and Hawaii 5 – 0) so while cleaning and putting up the bunting – Sky news was on in the background. Not sure if it was my TV but good news seems to be brighter in HD.

Our house party was good (well I enjoyed myself), but the heavy rain all day meant we couldn’t put the bouncy castle up or go out so there was around 50 -60 people squeezed into middle sized living room, the hall and a tiny kitchen. Alcohol and music helped and people mixed with each other...because they couldn’t move away from the person next to them. Having the party on Sunday afternoon meant I had to Sky+ Gary Barlow’s excellent documentary On her Majesty Service and the River Pageant which was very an added bonus because we recorded the Pageant on the BBC and could fast forward thought most of it. Their broadcast was so boring I wanted to watch the Royals and the ships – not Z-List ‘celebrities’ and which member of HRH’s loyal subjects loves her most. Seriously if I wanted to watch new-born babies I would watch One Born Every Minute not a programme about the Diamond Jubilee. Hence I watched the Pageant in half the time cutting out the dull/non royal stuff.

Monday – the big clean up so more background noise from Sky News, an afternoon of fast forwarding the BBC, those boats move pretty quick on x12 speed and then it was time for the Diamond Jubilee Concert.  I’m still upset I wasn’t lucky enough to get a ticket but looking at the crowd heading home at the end of the gig, I was happy I was watching it from on my sofa.

I will summarise (Sir) Gary Barlow’s amazing concert into a few bullet points.

·    With the comedians Rob Brydon and Lee Mack very funny, Peter Kay is a comic genius. Miranda and Jimmy Carr not so funny and Lenny Henry why the black ‘jokes’? 

·      Americans Stevie Wonder and will.I.am should of googled ‘diamond jubilee’ then they wouldn’t have looked stupid singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to an embarrassed crowd who wouldn’t sing along with them. 

·     FYI to Grace Jones what was the point of the hula hoop?

·      4 Sirs and a Dame: Cliff, Tom, Elton, Paul and Shirley, are national treasures for the oldie audience.

·     JLS, Jessie J and Ron Weasley twin brother -something for the kids.

·     Lang Lang/ Alfie Boe / Jools Holland/Renee Fleming -  not my cup of tea.

·     The Commonwealth band: Sing sounds better watching them sing than listening to it  on the radio.

·     Madness on the roof – genius.

·     Gary Barlow and Cheryl Cole’s duet: Gary you should of sang with Take That and Chezza, please stick to the miming.

·     Robbie and then Kylie: my favourite parts of the night apart from:

·     Prince Charles who stole the show with his witty and kind speech about his 'Mummy’ and father. Get Well Soon Philip.

I wonder what the odds are for Gary becoming Gary Barlow M.B.E, O.B.E or even a Sir after watching his travels around the Commonwealth making a song with a lap top, microphone and 200 of the Queen's talented Commonwealth subjects and of course for extra points he did manage to book the sunny weather for the jubilee gig.

Now it’s Tuesday evening and the end of this excellent ‘proud to be British’ weekend. Watched all today’s events (church service, down the Mall, balcony, fly over and personal message) on Sky News HD (gave up on BBC and ITV) and now it's time to take the bunting down and get back to work… until the Olympics of course.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!