Holiday Complaint Letter I would love to send

Dear Mr and Mrs Holidaymaker

Welcome home from your holiday!  

We wish to bring a few issues regarding your behaviour on your recent holiday to your attention. Firstly we would like to confirm that we do not offer discounts on our excursions for guests on benefits, our company policy is if you're receiving  job seekers, tax credits, child benefit etc AND you can pay for a foreign holiday, this must mean you can afford an overpriced booze cruise. On the subject of costs, as your holiday documents clearly stated your booking was for 7 nights at a late choice 2 star accommodation on arrival, costing £200 each not the 4 star hotel you yelled about at our underpaid and overworked Holiday Rep. If you preferred to stay in luxury then unfortunately you do have to pay for it.

We would also like to inform you about issues regarding the rest of your family. For future reference the elderly members of your group should remember to take our holiday insurance or at least bring enough money to pay for their air ambulance home, as we, the local hospitals and insurance companies to not give out free medicines and operations. Not matter how many wars they have served in or how many times they say ‘in my day’.

Regarding your children’s illnesses, the food in the hotel did not make your children sick, it was the fact you couldn’t control and stop your children from eating 4 hamburgers, 25 chicken nuggets and 2 ice creams before noon. Also another factor (or lack of it) is if you don’t put sunblock on your child then they will turn red and constantly complain about the pain they are suffering. This is not the responsibility of the Holiday Rep or the Hotel.

Thank you for informing our Holiday Rep of your family history and connections, like most of our (unhappy) customers, we are aware that many of them also have family members who are lawyers, journalists or work for TV programmes which specialises in holiday industry. We have learnt that hundreds of people have family members that work for Watchdog.

Thank you for your time and we look forward to you booking your next holiday with someone else.

Kind regards

 

Your friendly P*ssed off Holiday Company.


P.S If you get drunk and high then decide to jump off your balcony, don’t come running to us.
 

FYI - Benidorm the itv show - series 1: brilliant. The rest: recycled jokes.