My horoscope for December was: ‘A way of working that involves travel could open up for you’. I hope you were right Mystic Meg and all last month’s hard work on my CV is going to pay off.
Watching Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets again over Christmas has relighted my passion for travel and my love of staying in and working with hotels again. Yes all these hotels 'REG' visited are way out of my price range but I can dream, even thou I would give the hotels from episode 2 -‘Living and Dying’ a miss if I could stay anywhere in the world. The Hotel Chelsea in New York which was part of the Sid and Nancy story was too dark and creepy – I wouldn’t be able to sleep.
If money was no object (and I do accept freebies) I would narrow down my list to Caesars Palace, the Beverly Hills Hotel, and the Savoy London. But I did love the views from U2's Clarence Hotel in Dublin, the very James Bond-style hidden televisions behind paintings in London's Lanesborough, the very witty Paddy the Porter at Ireland's Ashford Castle and the St Regis $9,500 a night Dior Room in New York however I must make sure I don't the same time as Elton John as I wouldn't want to downgrade.
REG finished off his short series in my favourite part of the world – South of France. Of course he didn’t stay in the same areas to me; I stayed in Miramas and a one Star hotel on the outskirts of Avignon he stayed in top hotels in Monaco, Nice, Juan-les-Pins, Cap d’Antibes and St Tropez (they too are on my bucket list) but he did visit Cannes as have I.
I stayed
in Monsieur X’s apartment with 10 other Photographers sleeping on a mattress; I
can’t imagine REG doing that. I went during the film festival in 2010 and spent
most of the time there walking up and down la Croisette star spotting joining the crowds standing outside these hotels so
it was good to see what was behind the posh cars, security and doors. The
closest I go to a life of a Film Star was walking through the lobby and bar of
the Carlton Hotel with Monsieur X to see an Art exhibition, we never made it to
the Roman Polanski suite like REG.
Now I want
a new job, my current position chained to a desk is driving me mad, my feet are
getting itchy and my passport is begging me to use it. Of course Bon Jovi Tour
manager or being Richard E Grant would be cool, but back to the real world.
Four years
ago I was working overseas for a holiday company, firstly as an Customer
Service Administrator in Spain, sorting out angry guests complaints (again
stuck behind a desk) and trust me the customer is NEVER always right and then
as a Health and Safety Co -Ordinator staying in amazing (and not so great)
hotels in the Caribbean for one year then returning to Europe for another
summer of visiting hotels in Italy. I
lived in Ibiza, Orlando, and Sicily but never stayed in any hotels, visiting
the Caribbean was a different story and even thou my stays in these hotels were
short the majority of them were sweet too.
My favourites (so far) were:
Galley Bay
– Antigua.
I only
stayed one night there and after a day of auditing two or three hotels I never
left my room because I was too busy taking photos of its every angle of the
room and the sea views, having the biggest bubble bath ever, my bedroom in
Boredville is probably the same size as this bath.
Galley Bay
Divi
Little Bay – St Martin
They
upgraded me to an apartment and the hotel was very nice and staff very friendly.
I think it was all of my stay in St Martin which made this trip memorable. Monsieur
X was working on the island at the time, so I had someone to spend my free time
with, and someone to enjoy the excursions I had to check with. Monsieur X and my
chauffeur for the week were my unofficial tour guides I felt I saw more of this
Caribbean island than any of the other islands I spend more time on.
Divi Little Bay is down there somewhere
Tropical
Escape, Barbados
A
beautiful small clean hotel and the only negatives about my stay there was a minority
of vile guests who never read the brochure, and when they found out I worked
for a particular travel company, they made my life hell with their pathetic
complaints. Sandy Lane it isn't but you get what you pay for and more due to
the pleasant and helpful staff.
It’s been
five years since my visit (way too long to stay away from the islands) but I
would also give a special mention to…..Blue Waters Antigua, when I redecorate
my bedroom it will be styled like their rooms and the House hotel in Barbados
this quiet small hotel is the perfect chill-pill to escape the rat race for a
week or two.
My escape from those horrible guests
So note to
Sky - If REG goes off sick I would work for free...and travel expenses. But maybe
Sky could give me a job visiting the world’s worse hotels (note two to Sky -if
Carl Pilkington is ill, see note 1). I
have plenty of experience in this field, yes 5 star hotels are amazing and it’s
easy to remember my favourites but after I’ve checked out of a truly horrible
hotel they are the ones that stay in my memory bank the longest… cue photos
Of course
I won’t name these hotels; one was a hotel in Jamaica. It was a clean hotel,
beautiful sea and sunset views and no problems with the staff. However staying
alone in a hotel full of ageing couples giving me a wink and a smile scared the
hell out of me and in my hotel room the only free TV channels I had was CNN and
Playboy and there is only so much CNN anyone can watch in one night.
I will name Sandals hotels in Jamaica
as not being the best hotels I have stayed in. The staff was very helpful, the
hotel and rooms were beautiful and the grounds and beaches were clean and
spacious. But again I had to stay in these hotels on my own looking like a
jilted bride on her honeymoon. These
guests didn’t scare me, their stares made me paranoid instead. The first few
days of stay I would hide in my amazing room making the most of the bathroom
freebies and mini bar.
With Italy I will let the
photos do the talking, these photos are 4 years old and hopefully the hotel got
its act together or its been knocked down.
The Honeymoon Suite - complete with stains
The Gym - where you can swing from the ceiling.
If you want a room with wallpaper, you will have to pay extra.
The lounge/ climbing frame for the kids
Can you run to the pool before this rubbish falls on your head
So to all the hotel chains who want someone to test their hotel services and to Sky and all the other TV
networks, who need someone to carry any of your stars bags on their next trip. My diary is currently empty and my passport and me are
ready to go!
CV and references available on request.
