My Bouches–du–Rhône Diet

‘You must have bread in the morning. It soaks up all the grease and fat you have eaten the night before’   Monsieur X

I started this Provence holiday 9 stone (57kg) with a Wii body of a 31 year old and wearing jeans so tight I was worried I was would either cut off my blood circulation or give myself Deep Vein Thrombosis.

I have red ‘French Women Don’t Get Fat’ by Mireille Guiliano and all the French diets in women’s magazines, trying to add a few useful tips to my daily diet but failing after a few days. But now after a British summer of feeling inspired by Olympians and Paralympians while lying on the sofa eating too much saturated fat and an invitation to go to the South of France, it was time to immerse myself in the French way of life and diet with all my evening meals being perfectly prepared by Master Chef Monsieur X.

 

My French Diet

Tuesday

After a change of clothes from peeling off my too tight jeans into a pair of his baggy shorts I could breathe again. Our evening meal started off with prawns, then a barbeque of lamb kebabs with taboulé oriental (type of couscous), finished off with a few glasses of red wine and a couple bottles of beer for supper.

Wednesday

First full day in le Sud and my skin and hair felt and looked in better condition already.  Monsieur X’s weather warning of a strong winds - ‘Mistral’ had gone by the morning (but did sound like someone was moving brinks during the night) and it was blue skies and fresh air. Today's exercise was 2 hours walking around Salon-de-Provence.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of specially brought thé anglais (English tea).

Déjeuner: ½ a large ham pizza, salad and leftover taboulé oriental, with added sunshine and wine.

Dîner: Beefsteak peas and casserole de pommes de terre au cheddar. I’m not sure if I have the translation right; it was potatoes cheese and sauce out of a can with extra added cheese. C’est magnifique!

Breakfast for a week

Thursday

A busy day sightseeing in Arles and Nimes = A lot of walking and very sore feet.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea…on the go.

Déjeuner: Le Café de Olive’s (Nimes) plat de jour, mashed potatoes and beef, with chocolate mousse for dessert.

Dîner: Fish with white sauce, corn and more bread to wipe up the sauce.

 

Friday 

Today’s exercise was an afternoon walking around Istres and down (and back up) a very steep hill to the port.  

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: Fish and Chips, but a lot smaller portion than a typical English Friday portion and this French meal came with salad and rice.  Dessert was a small chocolate ice cream.

Dîner: Beef burger, piece of pork and and raviolis épinards (spinach ravioli).

Istres - the view was worth the steep hill walk.

 

Saturday

It was the day before an Ironman competition, super fit men and women walking around Aix-en-Provence, making my own fitness of walking for 2 hours (and an hour waiting for a bus) feel pretty pathetic.  Oh well maybe I’ll be fit for next year’s Ironman or maybe I will have another beer thinking about it.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: A large ham pizza from Miramas.

Dîner: Spaghetti and meatballs with tomato sauce.

Sunday

We walked off our Déjeuner by taking Monsieur X’s daily running route though the Miramas countryside. It takes him 40mintues most days, today it took 2 hours…My excuse I didn’t have my running gear with me!

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: A barbeque with pork, sausage, salad and potato salad.

Dîner: Leftovers – a little bit of everything, potato salad, diced carrots, chicken wings and more salad.

Miramas Run- if Boredville looked like this, I would run more

 

Monday

À bientôt France, time to go home.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: Vietnamese restaurant, Miramas near the train station. Menu fixe with a side chicken salad and rice.  I’m not sure what I was eating but it was very nice.

Dîner: A cold horrible chicken burger at Stansted Airport

Apart from beaucoup wine and beer my only snacks were 4 Oreos, no crisps or chocolate all week and as a self-confessed chocoholic I'm proud of myself.  Now a few days back in cold and grey England, my skin and hair still feels better, my skinny jeans are still tight but I can breathe, my Wii age is 28 and I lost ½ stone (3kg).

Even thou Monsieur X’s above theory is not scientifically proven and professional chefs and Nutritionists wouldn’t be impressed with my French diet  I will give his philosophy a go for a month at least. It’s a pity I can’t find ingredients fresh air and sunshine in Boredville…but I hope a positive mind, Fitness TV and sit ups while watching Criminal Minds* re-runs might help.


* My understanding of the French language improved when I watched Esprits Criminels in France or was this due to the fact I had seen these episodes over and over again.

Miramas - My Gateway to Provence

First it was ‘this time last week’ blues now I’m suffering from serious ‘this time two weeks ago’ blues. Last Tuesday I was on a plane, last Wednesday I was sitting outside a bar in Salon-de-Provence drinking a beer and watching the French world go by with my personal holiday guide Monsieur X, last Thursday, and last Friday etc.

No hotel to pay for as I was staying at Hotel de X, Monsieur X’s home, (he said there is one hotel in Miramas but I couldn’t find it) I just had to pay my rent in wine and beer. My ‘hotel’ was a beautiful house in a quiet road about 10mintues walk away from the train station.

I flew from London Stansted to Marseille with Ryanair for £80 (without luggage).  British Airways and Easyjet also offer direct flights from London airports but they were either too expensive or terrible times as I had to catch a coach from Boredville. It’s my third flight to Marseille with Ryanair and I have never had a problem but I was still worried something would go wrong or an extra charge would appear. However everything was OK and even thou my flight left Stansted late, we arrived 10 minutes earlier than scheduled. Bravo Ryanair!

I was met at arrivals by Monsieur X, then a free short shuttle bus ride to the Vitrolles Marseille Provence Airport Train Station, and a 20 minute train journey to Miramas, passing the Étang de Berre lagoon, the pretty countryside and not so pretty Chemical Plant. ‘Now you’re in Provence’ he said as we walked out of Miramas train station. On the left side of the train track there were two bars, a Vietnamese restaurant, and a few shops (some always seemed to be closed) and of course a Boulangerie – it wouldn’t be France without one.

After an early night to recharge my travelled tired body, Salon-de-Provence was our next day visit. 15 minutes train journey (the bus journey back took 30mintues) for an afternoon in ‘Salon’ taking the free shuttle bus from the station to the centre, then walking around the shops, and finishing the sunny afternoon off at a bar next to the Fontaine Moussue for a cool beer for 3€ and a guilt trip to whether I should sell the Duchess of Cambridge Closer magazine on eBay while watching people eat massive ice creams in the next bar.

Fontaine Moussue

Thursday was more planned out Arles and Nimes in a day, an early morning start to catch the 9.30am train to Arles. We would spend 3 hours in Arles before our next direct train to Nimes and Monsieur X and the woman at the ticket office said there wasn’t much to do there – they was wrong!

A walk along the Rhone, though the ‘entrance’ to Arles and around the outside of the Arènes d'Arles (Amphitheatre) and through the ‘Jardin D Ete’ following other tour groups along the way.  It cost 6.50€ for entrance into the Roman Amphitheatre and the smaller Le théâtre antique d'Arles.  I think my photos give the theatre more justice than my description of this amazing arena.  I felt it was kept in such a good condition for bullfights and concerts; it could have been build a 100 years ago not 1000 years ago. Also unlike some English tourist attractions it wasn’t ruined with Health and Safety signs. After we walked around the narrow streets stopping off at free photo exhibition full of creepy face photographs (the Arles photo festival was on from 2^nd July – 23^rd September) and after a coffee and a Fanta (4€) at a bar near the Van Gough Cafe, it was then a quick walk or maybe a slow jog to the train station to make it in time for our Nimes train.

Arles Entrance                                   Le théâtre antique d'Arles 

Arènes d'Arles

Next stop Nimes to meet up with Monsieur X’s friend for lunch at Le Café De Olive on 22 Boulevard Victor Hugo, taking photos of the Amptheatre on the way without stopping to take in the view of the Eglise Sainte Perpétue (we was late). It was time to take in the atmosphere, rest our over walked feet, drink and eat a tasty plat de jour of mashed potato and beef with chocolate mousse for dessert (12€). A few hours later Monsieur X’s friend showed us the Les Jardins de la Fontaine.  If Boredville City Centre had a park like this I wouldn’t want to leave. A big quiet park a few minutes’ walk away from the car horns of the city centre.  After saying goodbye to his friend we had time for a slower walk past this Amphitheatre on the way back to our Miramas bound train.  No time to go in but one Amphitheatre is enough history for one day and besides it is 3 metres smaller than Arles.

                      

Nimes - Les Jardins de la Fontaine

Now I was half away though my holiday and we had visited 3 cities already, so Friday we decided to take it easy and only visited one city Istres.  While waiting for our train, we went to the other side of the Miramas track and had a drink in the square - Place Jourdan, Very quiet, sunny and relaxing watching the fountains opposite the church.

 

Miramas - Place Jourdan

 

The centre of Istres was undergoing a lot of road works and it was too noisy to eat at some of the popular restaurants but further up the road we found a plat de jour for lunch.  Friday’s fish and chips with a difference, unlike the English Friday meal it wasn’t wrapped in paper and it came with salad and rice.  After lunch we took a short bus ride to the pond, and Étang de Berre was a massive pond, a very steep walk down to the port, lots of boats, not many people, and brilliant views of the pond which to me looked like the sea. The blue view made the steep walk back up worth the pain in my legs. Luckily there was a direct bus back to Miramas, so no walking back to the train station.

 

Saturday consisted of lunch at Aux Trois Viandes, 36 Avenue Général de Gaulle, Miramas, there was only the two of us in the main street at lunchtime. 2 large pizza and drinks for around 35€ - bargain. Then two buses to Aix-en-Provence, one to Salon-de-Provence, a long wait and a beer for the next bus to Aix as there are not so many buses on a Saturday.  30 minutes bus ride to Aix and it was just like any other Saturday in any other city – very busy and had to hunt for a table in the bars situated around the Hotel de Ville (town hall) maybe even busier because the Ironman competition was happening the next day and all the barriers were set up.

 

My last full day was a relaxing Sunday in Miramas, sitting in his garden trying to find some shade to read my book and after lunch we worked off our large lunch by walking though the Miramas countryside, getting a little closer to old Miramas - Miramas le Vieux… maybe next time. Boredville is going to feel even more boring now.

 

 

 

Merci Monsieur X for a relaxing break and

Merci Bouches-du-Rhône for the beautiful views.

Team GB: Great Britain or Gary Barlow? Reality TV vs. The Olympics

After a summer of amazing sport and probably the only time I have been proud to be British (excluding Royal events), I suffering from POPS  - Post Olympics and Paralympics Syndrome.  I know I have the last two weeks of my favourite programmes to try a fill a bit of the gaping hole the Games have left me with, but it’s also back to watching either cooking or home improvement programmes during my lunchtime in the work canteen and depressing local news when I get home.

Instead of super-fit Olympians achieving their dreams after years of hard work – we are back to ‘celebrities’  in a house arguing whos more important, more beautiful and more successful. Answer to their questions – none of them, if they were successful they wouldn’t sell their soul to Big Brother, I feel the same about Strictly Come Dancing and I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

With the X Factor I feel its more fame hungry kids wanting to be famous without the hard work of learning an instrument, writing their own songs and performing in crappy bars for years. But out of all the reality shows, I can’t break my X Factor addiction; I think I watch the show because of the judges (especially Mr Barlow) more than the wannabees heading for Butlins or the Bargain Bins...however there are a few exceptions – Lewis, Murs, One Direction and JLS.

I haven’t got kids but I hope the Games did inspire a generation, because I feel the future would be brighter if boys want to be Chris Hoy or David Weir instead of overpaid footballers who haven’t made the country proud for over 50 years, and girls want to be Jessica Ennis and Ellie Simmons instead of the orange 'tanned' glamour models/reality TV ‘stars’.

Also I won’t name the newspaper but you know who you are – shame on you for no putting Paralympic success on your front page (like you did during the Olympics) instead you thought Cheryl Cole’s nose bleed and some sad fat loser who thinks his pregnant was more important and interesting. I think the most of the UK would agree those stories wasn't.

Oh well only 1423 days until Rio!

London 2012: Best TV ever!

It’s been 72 hours now and PLD (Post London2012 Disorder) is not getting any easier. ‘I'm an Olympics Addict and it’s been 3 days since I last pressed the red button’. Knowing there is still the Paralympics to come in 2 weeks, keeps my Olympic spirit alive.

So highlights of the last 2 weeks, of course the opening ceremony was amazing (especially Bond and his new Bond Girl) and with the closing ceremony it was slow to start off with but picked up from Fatboy Slim onwards and Take That was worth staying awake for, The Who? I’m not so sure, wheeling out the oldies is not always a good idea, for example croaky McCarthy.

But what about the sporting best bits? Yes all Team GB’s medals, Bolt and Blake, my personal favorite the French men’s Handball Team (Bonjour Boys) and I don't know what my neighbours thought of the screams though the wall during Mo Farah’s races. Also the Men’s triathlon, Mexico v Japan in the men’s football semi final and Germany v South Korea in the women’s Hockey play offs. Why? Because I WAS THERE! Best Days Ever!

I blame BBC Breakfast for making me late for work most mornings. Olympics news is far more interesting than listening to local radio. It was the first week of the Home Olympic Games and the local DJ talks about Birmingham bin collections!  But a big thank you to the BBC, your website got me though the hard times of having to do some work instead of watching the TV, as for some of your presenters:

Jake Humphreys and Mark Cavendish: A cool double act.

Sue Barker and Mark Baker: Alright, a bit boring in my option but they knew their stuff.

Gabby Logan: Don’t know if I stayed up late it was to watch Men Beach Volleyball on the red button.

Gary Lineker: Sick as a parrot performance, surely he knew that the Olympics involves other sports…not just Football.

Claire Balding:  Legend, not only is she the inventor of the ‘Mo-Bot’ but her ability to fill in time with enthusiasm and actual facts. She knew everything from Olympic history, different rules and even the names of the park flowers unlike other presenters depending on auto-cue.

And as for this year’s Sports Personality they is only one clear winner…US! The fans without our screaming and shouting (and cash), how many medals would Team GB actually would of won.

Now it’s back to morning local radio (I so need my own place) and the state of Birmingham’s bins… At least it’s only a few weeks until the Paralympics. I bet BBC, ITV and Sky are kicking themselves as I think the 'Paras' will be a massive success. Don’t screw it up Channel 4!

Watermelons & Corners: Dirty Dancing - Birmingham Hippodrome

‘No one puts Baby in a corner’ and the audience screamed.

I’m not a big fan of the film (this was my sister and my cousin’s idea) and for my birthday last weekend I would have preferred to see Rock of Ages. But with the negative points stacking up (‘the Ages’ not being on tour, no friends to spend my birthday with and this was the only date we could get good tickets -7 rows from the front), this show turned my boring birthday into an excellent afternoon out.

Let me get the obvious out of the way, no one will ever equal or be half as good as the late Patrick Swayze. No one can fill his amazing dancing shoes and for the first act of this stage show this thought effected my judgement of Paul –Michael ‘Johnny Castle’ Jones, he was a brilliant dancer and a good actor and Jill ‘Baby’ Winternitz was excellent and her facial expressions were brilliantly timed and very comical.  By the second act I had forgotten about the movie actors, remembered how good the soundtrack was and accepted this different version.

The stage show included all the memorable scenes from the film: the river, the log, Johnny stroking Baby’s arm and her trying not to laugh, the watermelon and of course the end which was word for word. Yes ‘the time of my life’ was my favourite part of the show, but another highlight was when Johnny is in his underwear and he starts to put his trousers on and one lone female voice in the audience heaves a sigh of disappointment, queue laughter from the rest of the audience.

Dirty Dancing the stage show is a very close second to the film and deserved its standing ovation.

I wish more West End shows would go on tour; not everyone lives in or can afford to travel to London. Rock of Ages producers take note.

Crime Fighting Dream Team

After spending last month dreaming about my Football Dream Team and watching reruns of American cop shows I started to wonder what an ultimate Crime Fighting Dream Team would consist of.  Of course Avengers Assembles is the ultimate movie Dream Team but what about Television’s version.

Last season’s Hawaii 5- 0 and NCIS: Los Angeles mix up was brilliant. Sam Hanna (LL Cool J) and Danny ‘Danno’ Williams (Scott Caan) should have their own show. McGarrett (Alex O’Loughlin) was missed by me, but then again there was so many characters I don’t think I missed him that much.

Let’s break this down:

To build my TV Crime fighting team - who would I need? A good mix up would be McGarrett and Criminal Minds' FBI Agent Derek Morgan (Shemar Moore) or Bones's FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth (David Boreanaz) and Blue Bloods's Detective Danny Regan (Donnie Walhberg) or maybe CTU's 24 hour guy Jack Baber (Kiefer Sutherland) and the CIA's Homeland's Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes).

The Boss:  I can’t think of any good Prime Ministers, in real life or TV land, so they will have to be American. President David Palmer was close however due to him being ‘dead’ it has to be Commissioner Regan (Tom Selleck) for Blue Bloods with Prosecutor Caroline Julian (Patricia Belcher) from Bones as his second in command or maybe vice versa.  I think she would show him who's boss.

Reserve: Hettie Lange (Linda Hunt) from NCIS: Los Angeles.

Elite Police squad: I would include all of  the Criminal Minds team and have FBI Supervisory Agent Aaron Hotchner (Thomas Gibson) as head of this elite team. Then add Detective Danny Regan, just because he was in New Kids on the Block and the fact he always cracks a case and usually a criminal’s face. Mix in FBI Agent Booth who has a similar attitude to Regan, and add rogue cop Eddie Caplan (Jean-Hugues Anglade) from Braquo. Every police team needs a rogue cop and if I hadn’t lost interest in The Wire during the re-run of series 2 I probably would have had a few more candidates for the role. With all this testosterone, sprinkle another strong female to help Criminals Minds’ JJ keep the guys in check and that role I would give to Law and Order: SUV's Detective Olivia Benson (Mariska Hargitay). She’s a calming and cool influence who knows when it’s the right time to kick ass. She thinks before she beats down a suspect. Et Voilà Police Pie!

Reserve:  Detective Jane Timoney (Maria Bello) and Detective Chief Inspector Jane Tennison (Helen Mirren), from Prime Suspect USA & UK. Andy McNally (Melissa Peregrym) from Rookie Blue.

Geek Squad:On the red computer we have the sassy Penelope Garcia (Kirsten Vangsness) of Criminal Minds and on the blue computer we have the serious Chloe O’Brian (Mary Lynn Rajskub) of 24. A total clash of personalities but would be a cool comedy double act who would save the world from bad guys with their 'Big Brother is watching' computer programmes.

Reserve: Eric Beale (Barrett Foa) from NCIS: Los Angeles.

Forensic Team: Dr Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan (Emily Deschanel) locking horns with Body of Proof’s Megan Hunt. While Dr Harry Cunningham (Tom Ward), and Dr Nikki Alexander (Emilia Fox) from Silent Witness quietly carry on dissecting dead bodies in the lab.

Reserve: Medical examiner Melinda Warner (Tamara Tunie) from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Investigator/ consultants: The Mentalist's Patrick Jayne (Simon Baker)Jayne for his special powers and quick wit and The Good Wife’s Kalinda Sharma (Archie Panjabi) to break a few rules to find out the facts.

Anti-Terrorist Squad: No contest it as to be Jack and Jackie ‘Carrie Mathison’ Baber.

A name: What is it with American police departments and their abbreviations – FBI, CBI, SVU, NCIS, CSI, BAU, NYPD, and LAPD etc.  We don’t have this issue here in Britain, we just have the police! So DJPD (Darlene Jovi’s Police Department) will do.

No doubt I have probably missed out a few obvious ones....BBC's Sherlock Holmes for one, maybe be I should put him under investigators and consultants. 

Of course if my favourite cops were was based on looks alone (shallow I know) then it would be a hell of a lot easier - Théo Vachewski  (Nicolas Duvauchelle) from Braquo. No contest!!

Now what about a Lawyers Dream Team or maybe a Criminal 'Nightmare' Team.  Hmmmm... 

Euro 2012 Dream Team...in my option

Congratulations Spain!

What am I going to do now? Well there is Wimbledon for another week and only 26 days until the Olympics starts and after that it’s the start of the new football season (Note to Aston Villa must do better).

Yes I love football. Yes I am a Tomboy. Oui Monsieur X, I do look like a boy and No I’m not gay, however I know the offsite rule, can’t explain it but I know when to shout ‘OFFSIDE!’ when I see it. As much as I love the beautiful game, watching 22 men running around in shorts it’s hard not to notice the gorgeous ones.

FYI – I think Italy is the most consistent team since World Cup in 1990– a gorgeous team every tournament, but I think France was just as hot this tournament.

So here is my Dream Team – ‘Not as hot as Cantona but…United’.

Goalkeeper

Iker Casillas

Defenders

 

Olof Mellberg                                             Gerard Piqué

Mathieu Debuchy                                      Leonardo Bonucci

Midfielders

Cesc Fàbregas                                               Migual Veloso

Federico Balzaretti                                      Yohan Cabaye                            

Strikers

 

Karim Benzema                                                 Olivier Giroud

Ah oui another French theme with a touch of the Mediterranean. I struggled to put any English players in my team, no one easy on the eye since Jamie Redknapp and yes I am the only woman in the world who doesn’t find David Beckham attractive.