My Bouches–du–Rhône Diet

‘You must have bread in the morning. It soaks up all the grease and fat you have eaten the night before’   Monsieur X

I started this Provence holiday 9 stone (57kg) with a Wii body of a 31 year old and wearing jeans so tight I was worried I was would either cut off my blood circulation or give myself Deep Vein Thrombosis.

I have red ‘French Women Don’t Get Fat’ by Mireille Guiliano and all the French diets in women’s magazines, trying to add a few useful tips to my daily diet but failing after a few days. But now after a British summer of feeling inspired by Olympians and Paralympians while lying on the sofa eating too much saturated fat and an invitation to go to the South of France, it was time to immerse myself in the French way of life and diet with all my evening meals being perfectly prepared by Master Chef Monsieur X.

 

My French Diet

Tuesday

After a change of clothes from peeling off my too tight jeans into a pair of his baggy shorts I could breathe again. Our evening meal started off with prawns, then a barbeque of lamb kebabs with taboulé oriental (type of couscous), finished off with a few glasses of red wine and a couple bottles of beer for supper.

Wednesday

First full day in le Sud and my skin and hair felt and looked in better condition already.  Monsieur X’s weather warning of a strong winds - ‘Mistral’ had gone by the morning (but did sound like someone was moving brinks during the night) and it was blue skies and fresh air. Today's exercise was 2 hours walking around Salon-de-Provence.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of specially brought thé anglais (English tea).

Déjeuner: ½ a large ham pizza, salad and leftover taboulé oriental, with added sunshine and wine.

Dîner: Beefsteak peas and casserole de pommes de terre au cheddar. I’m not sure if I have the translation right; it was potatoes cheese and sauce out of a can with extra added cheese. C’est magnifique!

Breakfast for a week

Thursday

A busy day sightseeing in Arles and Nimes = A lot of walking and very sore feet.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea…on the go.

Déjeuner: Le Café de Olive’s (Nimes) plat de jour, mashed potatoes and beef, with chocolate mousse for dessert.

Dîner: Fish with white sauce, corn and more bread to wipe up the sauce.

 

Friday 

Today’s exercise was an afternoon walking around Istres and down (and back up) a very steep hill to the port.  

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: Fish and Chips, but a lot smaller portion than a typical English Friday portion and this French meal came with salad and rice.  Dessert was a small chocolate ice cream.

Dîner: Beef burger, piece of pork and and raviolis épinards (spinach ravioli).

Istres - the view was worth the steep hill walk.

 

Saturday

It was the day before an Ironman competition, super fit men and women walking around Aix-en-Provence, making my own fitness of walking for 2 hours (and an hour waiting for a bus) feel pretty pathetic.  Oh well maybe I’ll be fit for next year’s Ironman or maybe I will have another beer thinking about it.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: A large ham pizza from Miramas.

Dîner: Spaghetti and meatballs with tomato sauce.

Sunday

We walked off our Déjeuner by taking Monsieur X’s daily running route though the Miramas countryside. It takes him 40mintues most days, today it took 2 hours…My excuse I didn’t have my running gear with me!

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: A barbeque with pork, sausage, salad and potato salad.

Dîner: Leftovers – a little bit of everything, potato salad, diced carrots, chicken wings and more salad.

Miramas Run- if Boredville looked like this, I would run more

 

Monday

À bientôt France, time to go home.

Petit déjeuner: French bread and butter and a cup of tea.

Déjeuner: Vietnamese restaurant, Miramas near the train station. Menu fixe with a side chicken salad and rice.  I’m not sure what I was eating but it was very nice.

Dîner: A cold horrible chicken burger at Stansted Airport

Apart from beaucoup wine and beer my only snacks were 4 Oreos, no crisps or chocolate all week and as a self-confessed chocoholic I'm proud of myself.  Now a few days back in cold and grey England, my skin and hair still feels better, my skinny jeans are still tight but I can breathe, my Wii age is 28 and I lost ½ stone (3kg).

Even thou Monsieur X’s above theory is not scientifically proven and professional chefs and Nutritionists wouldn’t be impressed with my French diet  I will give his philosophy a go for a month at least. It’s a pity I can’t find ingredients fresh air and sunshine in Boredville…but I hope a positive mind, Fitness TV and sit ups while watching Criminal Minds* re-runs might help.


* My understanding of the French language improved when I watched Esprits Criminels in France or was this due to the fact I had seen these episodes over and over again.