Fear of 40 - 18 months until leave the 30s group

Not a great start to this 18 month plan. I’m typing away crying my eyes out, so excuse the bad grammar and thank God for spellchecker. My glasses are steamed up and eyes full of tears. My cat passed away at the weekend, my car’s back window smashed in  and one of my few friends (and my French crush) has gone all distant on me without any reason and I know if I called him again so soon after our last pleasant conversation on New Year’s Eve I will officially be his pathetic stalker.  Ah oui give him space, offer my hand of friendship later on in the year.  Oh Come On! Don’t lie to myself, maybe call next month.  But it bloody hard when I’m so upset about my cat, my boss is driving me crazy and all I want is someone to talk too.

Anyway onwards and upwards! This is the first day of the rest of my life…etc etc blah blah.

Every Monday morning I dread my day of work, of course 99.9% of the population probably feel the same but it’s not so much the being overworked underpaid problem.  It’s the question that always gets asked – ‘what did you do at the weekend’.  I did this, I did that, we went here, friends came to visit etc. Then it’s my turn to answer ‘Nothing watched a bit of TV’.   I knew I would end up a lonely old cat lady living in Birmingham but I never imagined reaching this milestone at 38.

I long for the Mondays I can give a different answer or for the Mondays where I actually enjoy going to work. I just got to find that job – being chained to a desk, man managed and my work timed and documented is not the life I want. I’m very lucky to have a job but settling for any job isn’t good enough.  I have hope that the day will come when my situation will be Monday Blues free, but I want it to come sooner than later.

Have you ever seen Eat Pray Love starring Julia Roberts as Elizabeth Gilbert it’s an OK film nothing special but it did make me think about my situation. I’ve been back home (and single) for 6 years and was looking for some inspiration.

I like eating (and Italy), I only pray during football games, lottery draws and when my boss says ‘can I have a word’ before I get a bollocking and as for love, I can’t remember what that is. However the freedom to travel the world and experience new things and meeting new people makes my feet itchy again.  But where do I start?  Write my things to do before I’m 40 list and follow Elizabeth Gilbert example.  She started her journey by learning Italian, so maybe I should get the dust off my French books and give learning the language another go, well it will be my 4^th attempt after school, French best friend, and then evening classes.