Festival de Cannes via the Sofa

I have already crossed Cannes off my Travel Bucket List, as I was lucky enough to be invited by Monsieur X in 2010 and I have wanted to get back there ever since. 2011 wasn’t to be, and my ideas on how to get to Cannes 2012 ( http://englishchouchoulovesfrance.blogspot.co.uk ) didn’t happen and will have to be added to my ‘1001 ways to get to Cannes 2013’.

So what am I going to miss apart from the sun, sea, expensive shops (no Primark or New Look) and it's buzzing atmosphere full of skinny beautiful people full of Botox (bitter? Moi? of course). Yes France is usually the land of beautiful people but Cannes is something else!  I’ll probably miss Brad and Angie, Johnny and Vanessa and lots of L’Oreal models who no matter how much I wash and dye my hair in that stuff I still don’t look like Cheryl Cole! Of course I don’t know who will actually be there apart from the gorgeous Jedi Ewan McGregor who’s on this year’s Jury. And anyone who can make a film about fishing in the Yemen interesting is gorgeous to me.

So again I will be relying on France 24, cinemoi and the tweets, websites and blogs (see below ) from you lucky people who are actually there…et oui Monsieur X this means you too – keep me informed.

See you all next year!  For now I will just retweet green with envy.

http://www.festival-cannes.fr/en.html http://off-de-cannes.com/fr/
https://www.facebook.com/?sk=h_chr#!/CannesInside
https://www.facebook.com/?sk=h_chr#!/groups/74076067970/
https://www.facebook.com/?sk=h_chr#!/groups/festivalcannes/
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/cannesfilmfestival
http://www.arte.tv/fr/Cannes-2012/6607970.html
http://www.france24.com/en/culture

17/05/10 - Festival de Cannes, unrequited love, bad luck and a volcano

The englishchouchou’s mission to get to Festival de Cannes 2010. Fighting against unrequited love, bad luck and that damm volcano.

Narrated in Jack Bauer 24 style. Please add the bleeps after the times, and I will add the ’Damm its’. I was so excited; one of things in my top ten bucket list was to go to Festival de Cannes with an extra bonus of being with Monsieur X who was kind enough to invite me.

What shall I wear? What shall I take? What shall I buy? What What What? Usually when I visit Monsieur X I travel light, but not this time I was going for a week and planned to buy every bit of Cannes merchandise I could find. I paid for the extra baggage and spend weeks before departing checking the Internet for information about what stars might be attending.

Then that f**king volcano went off!!!! Damm it number 1!

I left my home at 1.30am on Monday 17th May 2010, my flight from Luton to Nice was still going ahead even thou all other UK airports were closed. I caught my coach at 2am, arrived at Luton Airport at 4.15am and all I could see was red screens and ‘cancelled cancelled cancelled’ etc.  All over the TV screens. Merde!

Plan B: Take the train from the airport to London. But there was a fire at Luton train station. Damm it!

Plan C: I caught the coach and called Monsieur X telling him not to go to the airport ‘I'm coming by land’ I said. He moaned‘ Eh D’accord’ with his French hung-over and half asleep accent.

5.00am: Bus to London Victoria Coach Station. £15

6.00am: Arrive in Victoria; half of the coach heads towards the Eurostar the another to the coach station. What do I do? What do I do? Other than panic! Ok deep breathe, the coach station was nearer and I could get to Paris by 17.00. Last train to Cannes from Paris 17.30. Merde! Ticket Office doesn’t open until 7am.

7.00am: Ticket office opens - fully booked no tickets for Paris until Wednesday - Damm it!

7.15am: Take the tube to St Pancras railway station/Eurostar.

7.30am: Arrived at the Eurostar office, not much of a queue, a good sign I thought. Wrong! 9am train was nearly fully booked and the next available train was at 16.00!!!!!

I call home and ask my sister to try a book online, save time waiting in the queue for the few remaining seats. She told me the website crashed! Copy That! - I head for the train ticket office.

8.30am: Brought train ticket to Dover. £33

8.45am: Took a train to Dover.

10.10am: Arrived in Dover, I hadn’t a clue where to go. No one around so I followed a French family to the shuttle bus stop.

10.45am - 11.30am: Arrived at the Ferry Ticket Office. One way ticket to Calais. £18

11.30am- All aboard!! Took the ferry to Calais, tried to sleep. Switch off phone to save battery.

14.30: Arrived in Calais, foot passengers left to defend for ourselves, no signs, bus stop, directions, or tourist information. Rien! And it starts to rain. Shuttle bus finally arrives and takes us to the bus stop.

A kind Englishwomen could see I was stressed (I didn’t think I would make it to Paris never mind Cannes) and gave me advice on train times to Paris. There was no way I was going to make that last train. Merde!

15.10: Took the bus to Calais Train Station - it’s pissing it down and I’m soaked.

15.30: Made it to the train station and found my Guardian Angel, a very helpful ticket seller who spoke perfect English. After a few minutes of talking with my Angel and Monsieur X, who is shouting at me down the phone, telling me to ask for other routes to Marseille, Nice or Miramas (there wasn’t any), I pay for an overnight train to Cannes via Paris. 130€

15.50: At the wrong train station - run in the rain for a taxi to TGV station - Damm it!

16.10: Arrived at TGV station and run for my train this was due to leave in 2 minutes.

16.15: Train departs to Paris Nord. I flop on my seat with relief. Call home and Monsieur X, (he had calmed down) with my travel updates. Switch off phone again.

18.05: Arrived in Paris it was good I had four hours before my next train journey, or I would have been shitting myself.

18.20: Took the Metro from Paris Nord to Paris Austerlitz. I couldn’t believe I was travelling around France and Paris on my own, until the Metro came out of the tunnel into the Paris sunshine over the River Seine and seeing lots of tacky souvenir shops near Austerlitz full of Eiffel Towers of all sizes and materials.

18.35 - 20.25: Walked around Paris, tired and lonely. I found a shower room in another train station, I was so dirty and so was the shower room, so I cut my losses and when back to Austerlitz train station where I noticed there was a shower room there (eh oui very French). I thought it was just a hairdressers. I had a shower, and felt a million times better, mainly because I wouldn’t be too rough and scruffy when I would meet Monsieur X the next morning. Damm it! Only 2 bars left on my mobile.

My back was starting to hurt as my large sports bag had no wheels, so I had been carrying it on my shoulders for most of the day, my shoulders were so red it looked like sunburn (and hurt for most of my Cannes stay).

22.25: Found my seat at the cheap end of the night train. I never booked a bed as it would have been around 400€. Called home and Monsieur X again to update and switched off the phone again. Bonne Nuit et Au Revoir Paris.

22.50: Train departed, I had no trouble sleeping on my uncomfortable seat, tres fatigue. I woke up around 6am, I had been travelling for over 24 hours and all the hassle and stress this journey had caused me was made a little bit worth it seeing the French countryside and coast at sunrise. Switched phone on, down to one bar of battery, hoping it would not go flat until I was with Monsieur X.

8.30am 18/05/10: I had reached my destination - Cannes train station. I looked a mess and walking up the steep train station stairs, my back felt like it was going to snap from the weight of my bag but seeing Monsieur X’s gorgeous smile at the top of the stairs made me feel my 31 hour trip was totally worth it as I flopped into his strong arms...

hmmmm an idea for a film....take it to Cannes....it would be so much better than Mr Bean’s holiday.

To be continued…..